Brothers and Betrayals
by The Marauder Named Prongs
Summary: My rendition of how Lily and James were killed, with a bit of RL/SB thrown in. Goes from when they find out Voldemort is hunting them to Sirius' confrontation with Peter Pettigrew. Then an epilogue focused on Remus/Sirius.
1. Dreaded Information

**This is my latest story. It does have some RL/SB in this chapter, and more to come later on. I hope you enjoy and I would love a review!**

Chapter One – Dreadful Information

School had ended a few years ago for the four boys once donned the Marauders. Their lives had changed so drastically since then, it was as though they had grown into completely different people. The Wizarding World was facing something unimaginable and undeniably real. It came in the form of a dark lord, darker than the famed Gridelwald. Lord Voldemort. His name had been heard in whispered throughout the Marauders' seventh year at Hogwarts, but what faced them when they left was more than anyone had conceived. They had all agreed readily to join Dumbledore's resistance: The Order of the Phoenix. They all knew this was the only way any of them could do any good in this war. The Ministry was rubbish, still trying to convince people that everything was under control. How, then, did they explain the unexplainable deaths and disappearances all over England? Dumbledore knew what had to be done. He had been in this situation before.

In the past few years, things had changed drastically in their home lives as well. Peter Pettigrew was staying with his mother, wanting to keep her safe more than he wanted his own freedom. Family was everything in these times and he knew this well.

James Potter and Lily Evans had been married for just over two years. Their wonderful son, Harry, was now a year old. It seemed like he had just been born. He was a delightful little boy who adored his mother and followed his father like a shadow. On the nights when James was out on Dumbledore's orders, there was very little Lily could do to keep him from crying all through dinner and his bath. She couldn't help feeling the same way, though she had the practiced skill to keep her emotions to herself. It was something that one learned very quickly when having joined the Order. Their friends were dying and disappearing faster than they could find more. It was a risk they had all been well aware of, and Lily was waiting for the day it would be her husband on the front page of the Daily Prophet.

Sirius Black and Remus Lupin were sharing a flat as they had long ago decided they would. It was one of the few fantasies they had shared in school that was still attainable. Their relationship had lasted longer than their schooling, as they had always known it would. Their friends knew about them and treated them as equals all the same. In this aspect, Sirius and Remus considered themselves lucky. In others, it was not so great. Remus' lycanthropy had made getting a job particularly difficult, and they were currently living off of Sirius' wealth. What with Sirius' devotion to the Order of the Phoenix, there was no time left for a steady, paying job.

They went on missions whenever they were called; they spent many days and nights at the Potters' home when James' orders kept him away for too long for Lily or young Harry to bear. He loved his Uncle Remus and Sirius. It was the only remedy Lily had found to the poor boy's incessant tears and tantrums in his father's absence. Remus and Sirius were more than happy to help. They adored the small boy who looked so astoundingly like James. And James and Lily both trusted them more than anyone else.

It was a particularly ordinary night in which James and Lily were both home, sitting curled up on a couch in front of their fire, young Harry sleeping quietly up stairs, that they received the gravest news. The flames in their fire turned strikingly green and a wizened wizard with long indigo robes stepped onto the hearth. Albus Dumbledore.

Lily jumped to her feet. It was very, very rare that Dumbledore came to their house at this hour with good news. "What is it, Albus?" Lily asked, unable to mask the growing fear in her voice. Who had died? Was it Remus or Sirius? Peter? Alice and Frank Longbottom? Her heart plummeted as James stood beside her, pulling her gently to his side, knowing her legs may just give out.

Dumbledore looked at them very seriously, the familiar twinkling in his eye invisible. "Is Harry safe?" he asked, looking up towards the ceiling as though he could see through the floorboards and into the child's room.

And Lily's legs did give out. James dragged her sagging form to the couch carefully. "Harry? Of course he's safe!" she nearly shrieked hysterically. "What does he have to do with any of this?" She was frantic and scared for her child. Her eyes streamed as she clutched at James' hands.

Albus put an old hand on her shoulder. "I'm afraid your boy is in grave danger, Lily."

Finally, James found his voice. "What is the meaning of this, Albus?" He could not keep the anger out of his voice. This was no joke. This was his family; his son! It was not something to be thrown around lightly. He knew this would not be anything he ever wanted to hear.

"There has been a prophecy," Dumbledore explained, conjuring himself a chair in which he sat facing the horrified Potters. "It labels your child and Lord Voldemort."

James' eyes widened behind his spectacles. Lily shrieked, as the tears poured faster and faster down her cheeks. "It can't be, Albus. Please!"

"I am sorry, Lily," he uttered quietly. There was unmistakable honesty there. He looked at her husband and continued. "You know there are precautions and defenses we must set up immediately," he declared. James nodded. He knew Dumbledore would do everything in his power to protect them.

Lily's grief was reaching a breaking point. "Why, Albus?" She interrupted hysterically, "Why our son?"

Dumbledore looked into her emerald eyes carefully. "The prophecy made between your son and Lord Voldemort could have gone two ways. There were two young boys who could have fit this prophecy. The other is the son of two good friends of yours whose child was born on the same day as young Harry." Lily and James both nodded, knowing exactly who that friend was. Alice Longbottom had given birth to her son, Neville, on precisely the same day as Lily had had Harry.

"Unfortunately," Dumbledore continued, "The Dark Lord sees your son as the bigger threat. He has chosen your son to sustain the other half of his prophecy."

James looked up through the ceiling much as Dumbledore had upon his arrival. A single tear traveled down his pale cheek. "What do you need us to do, Albus?" he asked, determined to keep his son safe.

Albus smiled at him, without any happiness. "There are several defenses I have devised for your safety." He looked at James. "You will no longer be going on missions for me. I need you here to protect your family should anything go horribly wrong." He paused, looking towards the ceiling again. "There is not much I can do for young Harry himself, for he is so young and cannot possibly have any control over his magic yet, but I can protect him as long as he remains in this house."

"Anything," Lily breathed, "Anything you can give us to protect him, Albus." Her nails were digging painfully into James' arms, but he did not seem to notice or care.

"I can implement the Fidelius Charm," he said quietly. Again, the Potters nodded. They knew what that was because it was the charm that hid the Headquarters of the Order. "As I am sure you are aware, you will need to choose a Secret-Keeper."

"Well, you of course!" James cut him off.

Dumbledore shook his head, "No, James, I cannot do this for you. It would only be too obvious to the Dark Lord to think it was I who alone could divulge your whereabouts. No, you must choose someone else. Someone strong and fiercely loyal."

Again, James cut him off. "Sirius."

Dumbledore nodded, but held up a weathered hand. "It will not be quite that simple, James. There is one last thing I must confide in you. There is a traitor in the Order."

It just seemed to get worse and worse for the Potters. Now, not only was the Dark Lord hunting their son, as if that wasn't enough to stop their hearts dead, they now had to question the loyalty of their longest friends.

James could not stop himself from defending his best friend. "It's not Sirius." He stated as though there was nothing that could be more true. "It can't be Sirius."

Dumbledore nodded again, smiling subtly at the man's own loyalty. "I am only alerting you to the dangers of this charm. It is only going to work if your Secret-Keeper refuses to give up your location. It is not an easy task to ask of anyone."

"Sirius would die before allowing any harm to become of Harry." It was Lily who spoke. Her expression was as fierce as her hair.

"When you have decided," Dumbledore continued, "You must let me know immediately. For now, I must go."

The Potters stood as Dumbledore vanished the chair he had sat on with a flourish of his wand. "Thank you, Albus," was all James could say as the old wizard climbed back into the fire. He held his wife tightly to his side as the man disappeared.

Her eyes were still streaming, soaking through the thin shirt James was wearing. He combed his fingers through her hair as they turned out of their living room and headed up the stairs. They needed to see their son, to know he was okay. Lily could not stop herself from voicing the emotions they were both feeling.

"It's not fair, James," she whispered through her tears, "Why is this happening to us?" He held her tighter.

"We have to tell Sirius," James said as they entered the room where their son slumbered peacefully. Lily nodded for what felt like the hundredth time that night, her voice trapped in her constricted throat, as she ran her fingers gently over her sleeping son's hair. He looked so much like James. He was so young. He didn't deserve this. He had nothing to do with this bloody war. Her husband gently touched her arm as she fawned over her child, alerting her to his departure. She looked up at him for a moment before turning her attention back to the baby.

James left her with Harry, quietly heading back to the living room, where he flooed to Remus and Sirius' flat. As far as he was aware neither man was on any of Dumbledore's missions at the present. It was always a risk to arrive at Remus and Sirius' flat unannounced. James had, on many more than one occasion, gotten quite an unnecessary eyeful. He arrived in their living room/kitchen, breathing a sigh of relief. At least, there was nothing going on in here that he really didn't need to see. He took a tentative step towards the hallway that led to their shared bedroom and bathroom. James knew this war had taken its toll on their relationship, much as it had on everyone's. Though, it had possibly affected theirs more so than anyone else. All who fought with Dumbledore against the Dark Lord spent great deals of time away from their families, yet Remus and Sirius also had to deal with Remus' lycanthropy. It was a curse that would have made life difficult whether they were in the midst of war or not. In their present situation, it only served to make life just that much more complicated.

Because of this, the time Remus and Sirius could spend together without the influence of the full moon was rare, and often involved a great desire for privacy and silencing charms. It was this that made James step warily through their home.

He had only reached the opening of the hallway when he heard them. It was just as he had suspected. A flush crept up his cheeks, a mixture of embarrassment and anger. He knew it was irrational that he should be mad that two of his best mates were enjoying themselves so actively while he and his wife received the most devastating news of their lives. It was not fair that he shouted their names in his anger, not caring that he was interrupting what may have been the only minutes of bliss either man would share for days or weeks or months. He stormed towards their room and hammered on their door.

"REMUS!" he screamed, "SIRIUS!" His voice broke on the name of his best mate. He heard them shuffling around for decent clothing, shocked and surprised at the sound of James' voice.

Sirius cracked the door, wearing only a pair of blue jeans, while Remus buttoned up his shirt in the background. There was anger etched into Sirius' forehead, until he saw the tears flowing freely down his best mate's cheeks. It was something James did not openly do in front of anyone but his wife.

"Prongs," Sirius opened the door wider and stepped out, enveloping the bespectacled man in a strong embrace. "James, what's wrong?" Remus had moved to stand in the doorway, fear and worry creasing his brow.

Sirius and Remus led James into their kitchen/living room, putting a kettle onto the burner for tea.

"What is it, mate?" Sirius asked quietly. "It's not Lily or Harry, is it?" His heart was thrumming like humming bird wings. At his words, James' head collapsed onto the table in front of him as his fingers tried desperately to tug out his hair.

"He's hunting us!" James declared from the tabletop. "He's hunting Harry." Sirius and Remus' eyes widened in utter shock. Sirius felt bile rising in his throat at the very thought of what James was suggesting. He looked back at Remus who had frozen in the process of gathering cups for tea.

"No!" Sirius spluttered in disbelief. "You must be wrong! He's just a baby. What could the Dark Lord possibly want with a baby?!"

Remus put an arm on his lover's shoulder. They were both shaking as James lifted his head, revealing red-rimmed eyes and a horrified expression. "Dumbledore just told us." He continued to relay everything Dumbledore had said to him to the men sitting across from him. When he reached the part about the need for a Secret-Keeper, Sirius could not stop himself from interrupting.

"I'll do it!" he declared loudly. "I would die before giving up your family to Voldemort." James knew it was true, but he could not stop Dumbledore's words from echoing through his head. '_There is a traitor in the Order._'

James looked at his best friend helplessly. "It's not that simple, Padfoot," he could not face him as he spoke Dumbledore's warning. "Dumbledore informed us that there is a traitor; someone who has been feeding information to the Dark Lord for quite some time now. It could be anyone." He didn't want to accuse. It was the last thing James felt, but he could not keep the tone from his words.

Sirius, James and Remus all looked from one to the other, trying to speculate and guess who the traitor could be. Sirius' anger flared. "Well, you bloody well know it's not me!" he bellowed.

Remus placed a careful hand over the animagus'. "Sirius," he said softly, "This is his family. He is scared just like the rest of us. He is only wary of us because it is Harry's life we are talking about. This is no betrayal, Sirius."

Sirius' lips pursed into a thin line. He nodded. James looked at him ashamedly. "I'm sorry, mate," he said, looking away from his best friend's eyes. "I just don't know who to trust right now." He stood from the table, smiling unconvincingly from Sirius to Remus before heading back towards the fire. "I have to get back to Lily," he said, "I'll let you know when we have made a decision." With that, he stepped into the fire and was whisked back to Godric's Hollow.

**Hope you liked it! Let me know! ;]**


	2. The Grave Mistake

**Here is the next installment. I can't believe not a single person reviewed. I'm definitely a bit put out, but it's okay. I really like this story and I'm still going to post it even if no one else likes it. =]**

**Chapter Two**

The days after James' visit were very tense in the flat shared by Remus and Sirius. They were not summoned by Dumbledore, for reasons they suspected had everything to do with the situation the Potters had found themselves in, and the part in it one of them may play. There was the constant tension of the traitor. Neither man wanted to believe it was the other, and yet, neither man could keep that thought from floating in front of their eyes. After a week or two, Remus and Sirius hardly found each other in the same room together for more than a few minutes.

Sirius found himself sleeping on the couch, not being able to bear sharing a bed with a man who he felt he could not trust anymore. It stabbed at his heart like shards of glass, and yet he could not think of any way to repair the great loss he had suffered. It was horrible what Voldemort had done to them without any sort of contact. He had torn apart a relationship they spent years and years building. He had destroyed their trust in one another. It was just one more thing for Sirius to loathe as he spent his time without his lover. It was anger that fueled him these days.

Remus was affected in a very different way by James' news. He did not suspect Sirius, though there were times when the thought pushed itself into his mind. What tore him to pieces was the fact that he _knew _Sirius suspected him. He knew it crossed his lover's mind at many points in the day. They had become distant from each other, Sirius staying in the living room, while Remus cooped himself up in their once-shared bedroom. Tears frequently threatened to overwhelm him, though Remus did not often allow them to fall from his eyes. It was only when he showered that he felt comfortable enough to lose just a small bit of his practiced control. He let his tears mix with the water running down his body and slip unnoticed down the drain. It was a morbid representation of the current state of his relationship. He had slipped unnoticed from Sirius' heart. He found himself sleeping more and more, just to keep his thoughts away from the stinging betrayal of Sirius Black.

It was late one night, not far off from the full moon that Remus refused to allow Sirius to control and destroy his heart so carelessly any longer. It was close to two o'clock in the morning when he crept from his bedroom and headed for the couch he knew Sirius was sleeping on. Much to his surprise, he could see the man's head and shoulders above the back of the couch. He was not sleeping at all, but sitting with his face buried in his hands. At the sight, Remus nearly took pity on him, but the part of him still bleeding from the wound Sirius had single-handedly created would not let him back down.

"Sirius," he said as he came within a few feet of the couch. Sirius jumped spectacularly at the sound of his name.

He looked over the back of the couch as though he thought it were someone other than the man he shared the flat with who had spoken. He turned back around. "What?" His tone was not harsh, nor was it friendly or inviting.

Remus came round the couch and stared down at the man he had given his heart to so many years ago. It was heart-wrenching to think about the times when they had been young, carefree and madly in love.

He closed his eyes, drawing a deep breath. "We need to talk, Sirius."

Sirius' eyes closed heavily. He had been expecting this conversation for a very long time. It was something he had avoided at all costs. This was not going to go well. It certainly wouldn't go the way Remus wanted it to. He was sure of that. To try and avoid it further, Sirius kept his tone distant. "What about?"

Remus' lips pursed. He was very good at self-control, but if anyone knew how to make him explode in anger, it was Sirius-Bloody-Black. "You know what about." He fought to keep his voice steady.

For the first time in days, Sirius looked into his eyes. Remus could not read his expression, though he was positive Sirius could see the anger written across his own. Sirius sat back in a nonchalant pose; a pose he had perfected in school. "Yeah, I know. Though, I don't see much to discuss."

Remus focused hard on a spot on the floor near Sirius' bare feet. "Nothing to discuss?" The rise in pitch gave away his calm demeanor. "Have you no heart, Sirius Black?" His fingers were clenching, biting crescent moons into his palms. He wanted nothing more than to blow Sirius' stupid expression off of his stupid face.

A small stab of guilt pushed its way into Sirius' heart, though it was quickly overpowered by a mental picture of James and small Harry broken and destroyed by the betrayal of one of his closest friends.

"Have you?" Sirius replied, his voice also slipping out of its careful monotone.

Remus decided to plunge in head-first and get this conversation going somewhere. He now knew the outcome would not be what he had originally hoped it might be. "I know what you think of me, Sirius," he said, trying oh-so hard to hide the pain he felt. "I know you think I'm the traitor."

Sirius turned his head abruptly, surprised by Remus' blatant statement. Quickly, he countered, "And you think differently of me, huh?"

"Yes, actually," Remus stated incredulously, "I do."

Again, Sirius' anger, having brewed for weeks, took over any sensible thought he may have had. "Well, its bloody faith like that that'll get people killed in this war, Remus!" He was on his feet, his hand clenched around his wand in his pocket. Remus had already taken his out, pointing it defensively in Sirius' direction.

"Is it so wrong to trust the person I love?!" Remus shouted in retaliation. "I guarantee to you that Lily and James are not avoiding each other and accusing each other of treacherous doings!"

Sirius turned away, arms crossing over his heaving chest. "That's not the same! That has nothing to do with us!"

"But don't you see!" Remus pleaded, his voice cracking, "It has _everything_ to do with us! Everything! It is your love for James and his son that has turned you against me. You fear for them and you fear that you made the biggest mistake of all, bringing a werewolf into their lives." The reality of his statement hit him like bricks in the face. He hadn't really realized how true this was until the words blurted from his mouth.

Sirius was silent for a long time. Tears were slipping down his cheeks in silence, and somehow he knew Remus was experiencing the same desperation. "I could never live with myself if I were somehow the cause of their deaths," he said quietly, turning back to face his once-lover.

Remus took a step towards him, intending to lay a hand upon his shoulder in understanding, but Sirius flinched away. "You can't even bear to be touched by my kind anymore," Remus whispered, the words slicing through his skin like white-hot needles. "You've truly lost all desire for me."

Sirius could only avert his eyes. He had never intended for this. He had never intended to turn against the werewolf he had loved so much just weeks before. He would never have gotten them into this relationship if he had known this would be its horrible end. He turned away from Remus again, striding quietly to their bedroom. He opened a drawer full of clothing he had not worn in a very long time, pulling each article out and slowly placing it in the bag he normally took with him on Dumbledore's missions. He had nearly emptied the drawer before Remus had found the strength to drag himself into the room.

He looked from Sirius to the drawer to the bag half stuffed with clothes. "You're leaving," he stated, his voice full of resignation and anguish.

Sirius nodded curtly before opening another drawer full of his personal possessions and trinkets.

"Is there anything I can do to make you stay?" Remus begged in a last-hope chance of salvaging this relationship. Sirius froze, raising his head to look at Remus' glossy eyes and tear-streaked cheeks. The pain he witnessed was too great for him to bear.

"No," he whispered, barely audible.

Remus bowed his head, more and more tears escaping his eyes. Without Sirius, he had no one. Without Sirius, he had nothing to live for, nothing to fight for. This night signaled the end of life as he knew it. Without a word or a glance, Sirius zipped up his bag and swept towards the door, pausing for several seconds to watch the werewolf place himself unsteadily onto the edge of their bed, tears soaking through his shirt, making it stick to his chest. It was almost enough to make Sirius drop his bag and scoop the werewolf and all of his pain up into his arms. Almost.

Instead, Sirius turned away from his lover, his head spinning and throbbing with the emotional pain of the night. He reached the fire on jelly legs, quickly stepping into the emerald flames and declaring, "The Pettigrew's!"

***

It had been hours, days or maybe even weeks before Remus removed himself from his bed. It was hell to explore his now self-owned flat. It was too much space for one person. There were too many memories to stab daggers into his heart in every room. Remus found no peace. No peace whatsoever while he roamed a home that was now nothing more than a broken heart. He knew where Sirius had gone, but he would not follow him. He had made his decision and Remus did everything in his waning power to accept it. It was not an easy task, and he was sure this had not been James' or Dumbledore's intention when they had declared there was a traitor in the Order.

The full moon was terrible, really, really terrible. Remus apparated alone to the Shrieking Shack Dumbledore still allowed him to use in his years after leaving Hogwarts. It was the first time in many years that he had transformed alone. Dumbledore had always been kind enough to keep Sirius home on these nights to be with Remus in his hardest hours. No such comfort could be found this month. The wolf tore through his flesh violently. The loss of his mate had taken a horrible toll on the wolf as well. Though it had no rational thoughts, it was still tied to Remus' mind, and Remus' mind was in a very bad place as of late.

It was not until late the next night that Remus limped out of the Shrieking Shack and into the streets of Hogsmeade, where he could successfully apparate back to his empty, lonely apartment. Upon his arrival, a large part of him wanted nothing more than to sneak back to the Shack. He was very surprised to find an owl awaiting him. As far as his kitchen revealed, the owl had been here for quite some time, picking at the stale bread upon the counter. Remus untied the note carefully and immediately recognized the handwriting.

_Dear Remus,_

_ James and I have chosen a Secret-Keeper. I'm sure you know who it is, though I do not feel safe revealing it here. James would not have anyone else in charge of the protection of his little Harry. The Fidelius will be set up within the next two days. We wanted to let you know that we are safe and worry-free, for the time-being at least. _

_ Lots of Love,_

_ Lily Potter_

_ P.S. I know something happened between you and Sirius, though I do not know in any way what. I am terribly sorry. I know you are suffering greatly, and I want you to know that I'm here for you if you need anything. Even just a friend to talk to. Keep your chin up, Remus. There are still people who care about you deeply._

Remus nearly wept with adoration for James' wife. Never was there a kinder person in his life than Lily Potter. Even when her own family is on the brink of destruction, she reaches a hand out to others in need. It was an inhuman kindness Remus had not found in anyone else. He folded the note and placed it into his pocket, before scribbling a reply back, stating his thanks and joy at their safety. At least things were finally improving for Lily, James and Harry Potter. Merlin only knows how much they needed a turn in their favor. Even if it was only a temporary one.

***

Sirius had been staying at Peter Pettigrew's for several days when James and Lily had flooed in to announce that they had chosen Sirius to be their Secret-Keeper. Sirius was ecstatic, though both men had known all along what the decision would be. They took their time to satisfy Dumbledore's wishes and suspicions.

It was Halloween, and they quietly joked of the look on Lily's face when she realized James had transfigured Harry's pumpkin costume in to that of a Quidditch player. He even planned to use the miniature levitating broom Sirius had given the boy for his birthday just months before to complete the costume. However, Lily succeeded in ruining their high spirits when he mentioned Remus. She successfully opened all of Sirius' partially healed wounds; something she had always been quite good at. The reason he had gone to the Pettigrew's rather than the Potter's was because he knew Peter and his mother would not ask questions. Peter had never been completely comfortable with Sirius' relationship with Remus, and so, he never wanted to know anything more than he already did. But James and Lily were not like that. She had heard, and she wanted to know what had gone so ridiculously wrong.

Sirius refused time and time again to share what had happened between him and the werewolf. He knew Lily and James would see it as having been their fault. Sirius would not allow his best friend to put any more weight upon his shoulders. James and Lily had enough to deal with. Finally, after several minutes of poking and prodding, they gave up and turned their attentions back to the real reason for their visit. James had been given specific orders straight from Dumbledore as to how to perform the charm. Because it came from Dumbledore, with his own genius magical twists, it would be a very, very strong Fidelius Charm.

Sirius immediately beckoned Peter into the room. "Pete," he began, noticing the eager look on the plump man's face. "James wants me to be his Secret-Keeper."

Peter nodded his head, knowingly. "Well, you are the obvious choice, aren't you?" he said, shrugging his shoulders in a nonchalant fashion very unlike himself.

Sirius froze at Peter's words, his eyes widening in horror. "'The obvious choice…'" he whispered under his breath. It was never good to be the obvious choice. He had to protect James and his family. He had to make sure Voldemort could not get through to them. Though Sirius had been well aware that Voldemort was very likely to search for him when he received information of Dumbledore's plan for the Potters' protection, he had never given a consideration to the thought of choosing someone for Secret-Keeper that Voldemort would _never _suspect. He knew what he had to do. He would alert Dumbledore later; there was no time to waste.

Peter had been talking to him for quite some time, though Sirius had been lost in his own thoughts and had not heard a thing. He interrupted the man sharply.

"You have to do it," he exclaimed, staring at Peter hard. "Prove your Gryffindor courage and be their Secret-Keeper." His voice was thick with emotion. When Peter continued to stare at him strangely, he quickly explained his thought process. "The Dark Lord will immediately suspect myself or Dumbledore as James' Secret-Keeper. He'll come right after me. I know I would never give up their location, but what if, somehow, he was able to get it out of me? The Dark Lord has powers I still cannot conceive." The last part, Sirius added more as a note to himself than his companion. Peter attempted to cut him off, but Sirius waved an impatient hand and continued. "He will never suspect you, Pete! Don't you _see_! This is perfect! The perfect diversion! You must do it!" He looked towards James and Lily meaningfully. They had remained silent while Sirius attempted to pitch his idea on Peter. "You two must understand how logical this is! No one will suspect him!"

Lily looked severely uneasy. James held her hand tightly, not very good at defying his best mate. He could not deny that he saw the logic in Sirius' reasoning. It made sense, but he was not sure if he were willing to subject his family's safety to a virtually talentless man. In his heart, he knew he wanted Sirius to do it, but he could see what Sirius was getting at.

James nodded in Sirius' direction. "I think you're right, Sirius," he said quietly, avoiding Lily's gaze, for he knew she had the same feeling of unease as him. But she could not possibly understand what he and Sirius understood. It made sense and he knew Sirius had their best interests at heart. "Peter should do it."

Peter himself looked scared, sweat pouring down his brow. His eyes were shifty in a manner completely unnoticed by Sirius in his determination. "I don't know, guys," he said quietly. "I'm not like you. What…what if he gets me?"

"He won't!" Sirius screamed, trying to make Peter understand, without hurting the poor man's small amounts of confidence. "You're the last person he will suspect! You must do this, Peter! You MUST!"

Peter looked as though the decision being forced upon him was causing him a great deal of pain. He seemed to be struggling within himself. Finally, he let his head hang, and gave in. "All right, Sirius."

Sirius smiled wider than he had done in what felt like ages. "C'mon, then!" He beckoned Peter towards him, missing the sweat staining his clothing and the thoroughly uncomfortable look on his face. It only took minutes for James to place the charm upon Peter Pettigrew. Sirius had the short man quickly give him the location of the Potters' home, so he could enter without issue when the time came.

In his excitement, Sirius threw caution to the wind and announced that it was time he fixed things with Remus. There should be a celebration for his genius work. Lily and James agreed, telling both men they were welcome to accompany them back to Godric's Hollow. Peter obliged, and Sirius told them he would meet them there later after he had reconciled with Remus.

**I will only slightly beg for reviews. I would LOVE just one!! Hope you liked it.**


	3. Horror and Miracle

**Chapter three and only one review!? Is it really that bad? I hope not.... Anyways, this chapter isn't completely canon, but it's the best I could do.**

**Horror and Miracle**

"Remus?" Sirius called tentatively as he climbed through the grate into the apartment he had not visited in many days. He took a few moments to look around. It did not look as though Remus had spent any time in the living room or kitchen since his departure. The couch looked just as disheveled as Sirius had left it, and the kitchen looked completely undisturbed.

"Rem?" he called again, walking softly towards the hallway in which their room and bathroom were. He quietly turned the handle on their bedroom door, and peered inside. The lycanthrope was sleeping not-so-peacefully in their once-shared bed. His face was twisted in a grimace and his limbs were twisted and trapped in the blankets. He walked swiftly to the bed, his brow creased with emotion at the state of the man he had left so broken. Sirius reached out a hand and gently touched the werewolf's arm, whispering his name once more. The man stirred, his face scrunching up in agony.

Remus opened his eyes slowly, blinking several times in the light, trying to shake Sirius' voice from his head. He must have been dreaming about him again. And yet, he could still hear the voice, loud and clear as though his lover were sitting right beside him. As the grogginess of sleep erased itself from Remus' mind, his eyes shot open wide, and he bolted upright in the sheets. He stared for what seemed like ages into the face he had wanted so badly to see. Now, in his current state of mind, he could not keep the feral anger of the wolf from his features. He watched as Sirius physically shrunk back.

"What do you want, Sirius?" he asked, his voice laced with all the anger and frustration of a lone transformation and heart-wrenching desertion.

Sirius placed a hand gently on his thigh, emotion thick in his voice as he uttered, "Forgiveness. I just want forgiveness."

Remus flinched away from him. "Why should I forgive you? What bloody reason do I have to forgive you?" His face was softening, though the emotion his anger was replaced with was just as strong. His face sagged with the weight of their situation, his eyes glossing over with weeks' worth of withheld tears. "Days ago, you couldn't stand the touch of me," he said quietly, plucking at the disheveled bed sheets beneath him.

Sirius's features were strained with sorrow and regret. "Please, Remus," he begged, grasping the other man's fingers desperately. "We've made it through worse. I need you right now. I need you to be on my side!"

Remus laughed a horrifyingly malicious cackle. "You need _me _to be on _your _side right now?" His voice was rising alarmingly in his anger and disbelief. "Where were YOU when I needed you!? Where were YOU when I nearly chewed my arm off alone in the Shrieking Shack?!" For emphasis, he lifted his sleeve to show his mangled forearm. Sirius visibly winced as he glanced at it. "What the hell could you possibly need me for?" He had to stop; he felt as though he may burst if he continued. His chest heaved as he stared into the eyes of the one person who meant everything to him. He knew tears were falling through his lashed, but he ignored them as he stood up and walked away from the bed and its newest occupant. His skin was flushed with hot anger once more.

Sirius could do nothing but stare at him and apologize over and over and over. He had made so many mistakes in their past, though this one may very well top them all. "Please, Remus," he begged, knowing and not caring how pathetic he sounded. "Please, understand what I was going through." His voice dropped off, as the two men both shared thoughts of a slaughtered James, Lily and Harry. At this, Remus allowed his anger to fade. He took a heaving breath before coming to sit beside his lover.

"I know, Sirius," he spoke softly, trying so very hard to keep his voice even. "I know what you were going through. These are hard times. The hardest times." The truth of the statement was undeniable. He laid a gentle hand on Sirius' thigh, still not completely comfortable with the way Sirius had avoided his touch all those days ago. When the man did not remove the werewolf's fingers, Remus felt himself physically relax. His mind, however, was still going miles a minute.

After several minutes of well-deserved silence, Remus spoke up, his tone and demeanor light. "I got a letter from Lily," he began quietly. "She told me she and James had chosen you as their Secret-Keeper. I'm not sure if a congratulation is in order for that." His brow creased as his thoughts moved to a Sirius stolen away by Voldemort, being continuously tortured for the whereabouts of the Potters. Something both men knew the Dark Lord would never get out of him.

Much to Remus' surprise, Sirius' face lit up. "They did," he began. He looked as though there were something else he was bursting to say, but he kept his grinning mouth shut. He had decided to tell Remus about his brilliance later when they arrived at the Potter's home in Godric's Hollow. He didn't want to get into it at that moment. Though, the thought made Sirius stand up suddenly. "Come on, Rem," he said, holding out his hand, his grin never faltering. "Let's go to James' to celebrate their safety!"

Remus nodded, letting a small smile slip onto his own lips for the first time in ages. He led the way out of their bedroom and headed for the fire. Before he reached it, Sirius grabbed his arm and spun him around to face him. Remus only had seconds to peer into Sirius' eyes curiously before the man threw his lips onto the werewolf's own, pressing hard and eagerly. It was clear what Sirius wanted right then, but Remus playfully pushed his lips away, where they dropped to press wet kisses over his neck and shoulders.

"I thought we were going to James'!" Remus exclaimed, laughing as Sirius knocked him onto the couch in the most dog-like manner, before planting his knees on either side of his hips.

"We are," Sirius replied, continuing his string of kisses. "Just give me ten minutes."

Again, Remus laughed openly as Sirius pulled his shirt over his head, trailing kisses down the lycanthrope's chest. "Oh, you only need five." For this, he received a sharp bite on the stomach as Sirius made to remove his pants.

***

Half an hour later, both men were pulling on their last pieces of discarded clothing, laughing like old times. Laughing like they had never left school, like life had never hit them in the face in full force. They laughed like they were not in the middle of a bloody war.

Again, Remus headed for the fire, and again, Sirius stopped him by grabbing his arm. "Oh, come on, Sirius!" Remus shouted playfully, but forcefully. "You've had your fun. I'd like to see James, Lily and Harry now."

Sirius smiled, pulling the werewolf away from the fire. "We _are _going to see them," he began, rolling his eyes. "I'd just like to take my bike. I haven't ridden it in weeks."

It was then Remus' turn to roll his eyes. Sirius was, of course, referring to his muggle motorcycle he had purchased as a graduation present for himself, and then spent the better part of a month charming it to fly. Remus knew Sirius only loved the bike second-best to him. "All right," Remus resigned, heading towards the door. Sirius sauntered victoriously behind the lycanthrope, closing the door with a snap behind him.

Ten minutes later, they were in the air, soaring over pinpricks that were cars and dark blobs that were houses. Remus clung tightly to Sirius' waist, never feeling totally safe up here. He had his wand out, just in case something devastating was to happen. Fortunately, it only took half an hour to reach Godric's Hollow in the air. It wasn't long before the small village was in sight. Remus, having clenched his eyes tightly throughout most of the ride, jumped violently at the sound of Sirius' harsh voice.

"FUCK!" he had screamed, the motorcycle tilted at a fierce downward angle. Remus looked over Sirius' shoulder, his eyes searching and quickly finding the source of Sirius' rage. He own stomach twisted into a horrible knot. There it was, gleaming maliciously in the sky. Though he had seen it several times on the pages of the Daily Prophet, there was no comparison to the real thing. The Dark Mark glittered in the sky over the place where the Potters' home should have stood. All Remus could see was broken and burned timber encased in pluming clouds of dark smoke. The motorcycle made contact with the earth violently, bouncing several times before Sirius brought it to a skidding halt. Both men removed themselves from it swiftly, allowing it to crash onto its side without a care. They were running blindly, side-by-side towards the smoke.

It was surreal. Neither man could believe or understand what had happened. The devastation made Sirius' knees weak. Though he felt like his legs might buckle, he ran full-force until he reached the edges of the rubble. He stopped only briefly before charging head-first into the damage, Remus screaming from behind him that the house may fall in on them. Sirius did not listen or care, and only vaguely noticed the bright lights of spells being shot past him as Remus tried to make the path of debris before them stable enough to walk on. Sirius reached the stairs just as a spell hit them. He took them two at a time, heading straight for Harry's room. When he reached it, he could not stop from retching violently.

"Remus!" he screamed, knowing his lover had fallen behind. "Harry's room, Rem!" The werewolf reached the entrance cautiously, his skin paling to paper-white as he stared down at the lifeless body of Lily Potter.

"No!" he whispered fiercely. "NO!" He dropped to his knees beside the woman, his hands scrunched painfully in his hair. This couldn't be happening. It couldn't be real.

Sirius sat on the floor, tears streaming from his stormy eyes. After seeing the body of Lily Potter, Sirius had no urge whatsoever to search for James. He did not think he could bear the sight of the lifeless body of his oldest, closest friend. It was all too much for him to handle all at once. He knew, without a doubt, that James was indeed deceased, but seeing him was an entirely different experience Sirius couldn't bear. He knew he should be the one to find James' body. He owed him that at least. But he could not bring himself to get up and look for him.

Instead, he looked at Remus in desperation. "Do you think there's any chance that Harry…?" His voice trailed off as Remus shook his head, logical thought always quick to take the place of emotional irrationalism. He knew just as well as Sirius that there was absolutely no way James or Harry had made it out alive. If Lily was dead, as she so clearly and brutally was, then James had died defending her, and Harry had died at the loss of his mother's defense.

At that precise moment, something shifted on the other side of what used to be Harry's bedroom. Both men ignored it, figuring some part of the house was falling in. Though this should have concerned them both greatly, neither man had the mental strength to care. They avoided the body between them as devastation claimed their every thought and movement.

"Siri!"

The eyes widened on both men at the small sound. For a second, Sirius thought he had imagined the excited voice of his Godson. But when he saw the look on his lover's face, he knew Remus had heard it too. He shot up from the floor, his eyes falling upon the shape of a small, ash-faced child standing in the remnants of a crib, smiling with blissful obliviousness.

"_Harry_!" Sirius ran towards the ruined crib, lifting the baby out of the mess and holding him close to his chest. "Remus! He's alive! Harry is alive!" It was a miracle and it was stunning and it couldn't be real, but here he was alive and breathing and warm in Sirius' arms.

"Come on!" Remus yelled, heading for the blasted doorway, "We have to get him out of here before the whole house comes down!"

Sirius nodded once, before following the werewolf down and out of the broken house, Harry clutched safely to his chest. When they reached outside, Sirius could only splutter his disbelief at the child's survival. Harry, oblivious to his great loss, could only laugh and play with his Godfather's hair, happy to be with a familiar face.

"Look at him, Rem," Sirius said, quietly as he turned the child around. "Look at his forehead."

Remus took a step closer, surprised he had not noticed it before. The small child had a very distinct cut upon his forehead. It was in the shape of a lightning bolt. That alone was enough to tell Remus the child had had a terrible curse inflicted on him, and somehow, miraculously, he had not been harmed. At the realization of the true nature of Harry's situation, Remus whispered urgently, "We have to get Dumbledore."

Sirius looked back towards him, nodding, though he didn't really seem to understand Remus' urgency. "I'm not leaving Harry," Sirius said, looking at the boy with determination. "Apparate to Hogwarts and bring him here." Remus tried to protest, but Sirius refused to hear any of it. He gave the werewolf a quick kiss and a gentle shove. Remus, understanding this to be his goodbye, twisted and disappeared through the tight hole that was space and time.

**Reviews PUH-LEASE?**


	4. Realization

**Here's the next part! It's not horribly interesting, but it bridges the gap between the last chapter and the story's end. I hope you enjoy it, even if you don't review. =]**

Realization

Remus stumbled and caught himself before he landed face-first on the streets of Hogsmeade. He was pretty sure he had somehow managed to land on a rock and been set off balance. With his wand still out, he scrambled out of Hogsmeade and into the Shrieking Shack. He knew he would not be able to get into the school through the main gates without having to wait for someone to confirm his identity and let him in. The Shrieking Shack was a much better option, for Dumbledore had set up defenses that could only be broken by Remus when he had allowed his use of the Shack to continue after graduation.

He ran down the path, snaking his hand out from the entrance of the Whomping Willow, to stop the branches from swinging dangerously. He bolted from the opening of the tree and made his way without falter to the school. He yanked open the front doors and ran head-first into Hagrid. Slightly stunned, he put a hand to his temple and stepped back.

"Hagrid!" he exclaimed, cutting off Hagrid's own projections of greeting and confusion. "I need to see Albus!" Noting the urgency in Remus' tone and his harassed demeanor, Hagrid, without question, scooped him up into his arms in quite an embarrassing fashion, and ran as fast as his large legs could carry him right to the entrance of Dumbledore's office.

"Peppermint stick!" he yelled, rushing the gargoyle out of his way. When they reached the winding staircase, Hagrid thankfully placed Remus back on his feet. "What is it?" he whispered, his gruff voice full of concern. "It ain't Sirius, is it?"

Remus shook his head. They had reached the Headmaster's office. It was still strange for Remus to be here and not feel as though he were in trouble. There had been very few times while at school that he had graced the Headmaster's office without being in some sort of trouble caused by James and Sirius. Right now, that all seemed so far away.

"Come in," said a voice that was unmistakably Dumbledore's.

Suddenly, all of Remus' thoughts and fears rushed into him, and out through his mouth. He was talking as soon as he walked through the doorway.

"Lily and James are dead," he began, his voice calm in his current state of shock at the truth of what he had just witnessed. His entire focus was on Sirius' orders: Get Dumbledore. "Voldemort got them. He killed them, Albus." Tears were leaking profusely from his eyes as his thoughts jumped back to the still, cold, pale form of Lily Potter. Two of his oldest and dearest friends were gone. They would never be replaced. It was devastation like he never thought he could physically or mentally handle. Hagrid, who stood behind him, was shocked and appalled. He seemed to have lost his voice entirely, silent beetle-sized tears crawling down his massive cheeks and into his wiry beard.

Remus put a calming hand on Hagrid's elbow, silently wishing Sirius were here to do the same for him. The werewolf continued with his bomb-dropping. "Harry is alive."

At this, the old wizard's eyes visibly widened. "_Powers he did not foresee_," he whispered more to himself than anyone in his presence. "Where is he, Remus?"

"Sirius stayed with him at the house." Remus paused, "Or what's left of it."

Suddenly, Dumbledore was on his feet, looking over Remus' shoulders at Hagrid. "I need you to go to Godric's Hollow. I need you to get the child and bring him to this address." Dumbledore held out a small piece of parchment, scribbled on in his loopy penmanship. Hagrid nodded once, before exiting the office in determination.

Dumbledore turned back to Remus, whose face was contorted in confusion. Dumbledore silenced him with a hand, signaling that he would explain everything. He beckoned Remus into the chair across from him. Remus had a silly urge to yell at the man that he wasn't a school boy anymore. He had seen death. He had seen the death of two of his closest friends. He didn't want to be treated like a child.

"Sirius was the Potters' Secret-Keeper," Dumbledore explained, gently. "He was the only one who could have given the Potters to Voldemort."

The realization and stupidity at having missed it smacked Remus across the face. Hard. "No," he whispered for the second time that night as something unbelievable wormed its way into his mind. "Albus." His voice was pleading, his eyes welling up again. "You should have seen him when we got to James'." Remus couldn't believe it. He wouldn't believe it. This was the man he loved more than anything in life. Sirius was the one person he trusted and truly understood. This was not something Sirius was capable of. And yet, Remus' own mind had to rationalize, what other explanation could there have been? "He cried over Lily's body. He found Harry. He carried him through a crumbling house. How…how could he have been the one?" His voice was becoming frantic as he fought to defend his lover. "This is James we're talking about, Albus! Sirius and JAMES!"

Dumbledore bowed his head graciously. "I know you are upset, Remus, and you have every right to be. But there is no other explanation. Sirius was their Secret-Keeper. Only he could have given their whereabouts to Voldemort. And as far as I can assume, he did this willingly. You must remember that there was a traitor in the Order."

Here, Remus cut him off violently. "IT WASN'T SIRIUS!" He was leaning menacingly over the Headmaster's desk, staring into his great blue orbs with malice he liked to believe belonged solely to the wolf.

Dumbledore only sat quietly, patiently. Remus hated the way he could be so calm when the world was falling around their shoulders. James and Lily were dead, and it was Sirius' fault. It was almost too much for Remus to handle.

"He couldn't have done it, Albus," Remus pleaded, breathing heavily, his voice kept steady with practiced skill. "He was with me from the time he left the Pettigrews' to the time we arrived in Godric's Hollow." He paused, racking his brain for any other fact that could save Sirius from persecution. "He wouldn't have had time to go to Voldemort."

"Were you with him at Peter's?" Dumbledore inquired knowingly. Remus did not have to answer. "There is no way of knowing where Sirius went before he arrived at your apartment." His voice was soft, understanding, but it only served to make Remus' anger bubble. He remained silent, staring across the cluttered desk with an awful mix of nausea, anger and disbelief sitting in his stomach.

"I have to find him, Albus," he made to stand up, but the old wizard had already seen this coming and had magically kept the werewolf bound to his seat. He could move freely, but his body could not physically be removed completely from the chair. It served to anger him even further.

Dumbledore's hands were folded on top of his desk, his eyes gleaming sadly behind his half-moon spectacles. "I can't let you go, Remus," he said calmly, oblivious to the werewolf's outrage. "I have to awaken Professor McGonagall and meet Hagrid at Harry's aunt and uncle's house to explain their situation. When all is said and done, I will do my best to find Sirius and withdraw from him the truth."

Remus' eyes glistened as tears poured down his cheeks. "You can't leave me here, Albus," he begged. "I have to find him. I have to know if this is his fault. I just can't believe it."

The Headmaster had already walked around his desk and was heading towards the door to his study. Before shutting the door behind him, he gave a short flick of his wand in Remus' direction. He smiled sadly as he stepped out onto the spiraling staircase.

After his departure, Remus knew he would be able to leave. He left through the same door Dumbledore had exited through just seconds before, and yet the man was nowhere to be seen. Ignoring the curiosity his brain registered at this fact, Remus ran as hard and fast as he could through the school and back into Hogsmeade the same way he had come. When he tried to apparate, he realized Dumbledore had not made it quite that easy for him to leave. He could not apparate; not here, at least. With a quick swear, he began running again.

***

Sirius watched as Remus twisted himself out of sight as he left on his search for Dumbledore. In the few seconds after his departure, Sirius felt a severe loneliness and was at a loss for what to do. He continued to hold young Harry, even as the child struggled against him, wanting to get down and run and play. Sirius could not bear the thought of losing him like he had lost James. This was the last little piece of James left in the world, and he would never let it go. James had made him Godfather for a reason. Eventually, Sirius and the child sat on the brick wall that surrounded what was left of the Potters' home. Harry, seeming to realize his loss in the battle against Sirius' embrace, had fallen asleep on his chest. The man moved him into his lap, where the child curled up in an almost dog-like fashion that, in different circumstances, would have made Sirius proud.

It was the thought of how he would have teased James about his son taking after his Godfather rather than his real father that sparked a horrendous understanding in his mind. Peter Pettigrew was responsible for this.

Sirius swore quietly under his breath as he realized what he had to do. No one but himself, James, Lily and Peter knew that the Secret-Keeper had been changed at the last second. It was him everyone would be after. It was him who was now as good as a murderer. But more importantly, and sickeningly, it was his fault James had died. James and his entire family had died because Sirius had done something indescribably rash, changing their Secret-Keeper when there was a traitor in their midst. He could not deny that he had never once suspected Peter of being the traitor, but he should have been wary of everyone. For Merlin's sake, he had even suspected Remus! He never should have given his duty away. He, himself was the only person he knew for a fact was not the traitor. For that reason _alone _he should not have given the responsibility of Secret-Keeper to anyone else.

But he had. And his best friend and his family had paid the price for it. Sirius' breathing was labored, and had Harry not been curled in his lap, he would have left right then, and hunted that traitorous rat down. As was so characteristically Black, he replaced his sorrow with anger and a rash desire to get revenge. He vowed, in those moments of silent thought, that he would not rest until Peter Pettigrew was dead.

His fists had clenched tightly at his sides. He looked down at the small figure sleeping on him, and could only manage to twist his lips into a mangled, pained mix of a smile and grimace. This child had no idea what he had just lost. He would never know what he had lost. He had lost the greatest and most loving parents anyone could have asked for. Sirius knew, as he looked into the sleeping face of Harry Potter, that he had to avenge his family, his loss. He had to try to make this right, before the entire Wizarding World hunted him down. He was sure, were he given time to speak with Dumbledore, he could worm his way out of Azkaban, but at that moment, prison was not what he feared or even what he cared about. His every thought revolved around his dead best friend, the child left behind, and the man who was responsible. Peter Pettigrew.

His gaze had been glazed and unfocused. Even so, he could not miss the gigantic figure rushing towards him. It was unmistakably Hagrid. Sirius could see the tear-streaks on the man's face as he neared.

"Hagrid," Sirius spoke softly, as the man stopped before him. "Where is Dumbledore?" That was who Sirius really needed to speak with.

"He's with Remus," Hagrid said, his voice cracking as he looked at the ruins behind the animagus. Harry had stirred and woken up at their voices. He sat up happily on Sirius' lap, looking at the great man before him with interest. "I have orders from Dumbledore ter take Harry ter his aunt an' uncle's," Hagrid said with purpose.

At this, Sirius looked at him sharply. "I'm his Godfather. Why should he not stay with me?" He wrapped a protective arm around the boy struggling to get away from him and explore the man of monstrous proportions before him.

Hagrid stood tall, towering over Sirius, who had also stood as he allowed Harry to scamper away from him. In most situations, Sirius succeeded in becoming the intimidating one, being very tall. But he could not compete with Hagrid's giant blood. Hagrid scooped Harry up in his arms as the child stared up at him in something like shock. Hagrid was smiling broadly as the small child ran his fingers through the man's great beard. Looking back at Sirius, he repeated, "I have orders from Dumbledore."

Sirius understood this to be final. He wanted to protest, but he knew Hagrid would not hesitate to knock him out if it meant following Dumbledore's orders flawlessly. His shoulders sagged in defeat as he nodded once in Hagrid's direction. "All right," he said quietly, that feeling of utter loneliness threatening to overcome him once more. "Take my bike," he said, pointing towards his massive motorcycle lying on its side several yards away. "I suppose I won't be needing it anymore." He knew where he would go when Hagrid and Harry were gone. He would be hunting Pettigrew and he would either die or be sent to Azkaban for his efforts. Both options seemed to be a fair choice if it meant the end of that vile creature he had mistakenly given power to.

Hagrid moved towards him cautiously. "I'm sorry fer yer loss, Sirius," he said in his best gentle voice. "They were good people, Lily n' James. They'll be missed." With that, he turned to walk towards the motorcycle Sirius had offered him. He knew about this bike, having received the honor of riding it once. He knew it could fly.

Hagrid sat atop the motorcycle that quickly sank several inches into the ground, holding small Harry tightly to his chest, when Sirius' voice stopped him again.

"Hagrid?" Sirius said, walking towards him, "How did you get here?" Both men knew Hagrid used magic though he was not allowed, but Sirius knew the man could not apparate. He wanted to know how Dumbledore would be arriving, for he was sure Dumbledore would not apparate at a time like this.

"Oh," the great man said, as he kick-started the motorcycle's engine with a roar that surprised the small child he held. "I flooed in through Bathilda Bagshot's fire." With that, he gave Sirius a short salute before shooting himself, Harry and the motorcycle up into the air and away from the horrible devastation that had ripped young Harry's life to shreds. Sirius could only watch sadly as they went.

**I promise, the next part is more exciting. **

**And I'd like to specifically thank Moony's daughter for taking the time to review on every chapter. This is all for you!**


	5. Death and Agony

**I know, I know, it's been a while. I apologize deeply. But school is wearing me out. The next chapter (which will be the final chapter/epilogue) will be up MUCH sooner. And it's MUCH longer. So smile in anticipation for that! This chapter begins directly where the last chapter ended. Enjoyyy!**

Death and Agony

Within minutes of Hagrid's departure with Harry, Sirius heard a sharp _pop _behind him, and Remus ran towards him. Sirius, assuming the man would be jumping into his arms, smiled at his arrival. Much to his surprise, Remus' fist came into hard contact with Sirius' jaw.

"HOW COULD YOU DO THIS, SIRIUS!" Remus bellowed, anger clearly visible in every line on his face. "HOW COULD YOU GIVE YOUR OLDEST FRIENDS TO VOLDEMORT!" He punched his lover again, a resounding crack echoing around the deserted village. "JAMES AND LILY, SIRIUS! HOW _COULD _YOU!" In the time it took Remus to get far enough away from Hogsmeade to apparate, his rational mind had sorted out the facts of what he knew and what Dumbledore had said. There was no doubt in his mind when he appeared in Godric's Hollow that Sirius was the traitor.

Sirius was dumbstruck. He had not thought for one single second that Remus would believe him to be the traitor. "I didn't, Rem," he answered quietly, stepping away from the fuming werewolf, his hand clutching his throbbing jaw. "I swear to you, I didn't."

"DON'T LIE TO ME, SIRIUS!" Remus was furious. He was angrier than he could ever remember being in his life. The fury was blinding and numbing. It made his head hurt, but there was no room for him to feel anything else. He was vaguely aware of the fact that he had his wand pointed menacingly at Sirius' throat. "I should kill you now."

Sirius put his hands up in defeat. "Put it away, Remus," he said calmly. "You know I didn't do this."

Remus did not put his wand away. He stared at Sirius as though his were the vilest thing on the planet. "How long?" He asked, his voice spitting venom.

"How long, what, Rem?"

"HOW LONG HAVE YOU BEEN ON HIS SIDE?!" Remus exploded, stepping towards the man he had loved so much, the man he hated to admit he still loved now. "AND TO ACCUSE ME! When it has been you all along! How dare you, Sirius Black!"

Sirius' voice was desperate. "Please, Remus," he begged, "You know me! You know how much I loved James!" His eyes were shining with tears he refused to let fall. "I would have died before I gave them up!"

Remus stood silently fuming for several seconds with his wand tip pressed hard into Sirius' throat. He knew he would never be able to bring himself to do what he knew he should rightfully do. Instead, he chose the coward's way out. "Fuck you, Sirius Black," he spat, barely audible before he twisted away into the darkness once more.

Sirius knew many things Remus did not at that moment. He knew that he was innocent. He knew he should have told Remus of his idea to switch James' Secret-Keeper. He knew, on some level, Remus still loved him. He knew Remus did not truly believe that he did this, though it may be a very long time before the werewolf allowed himself to see this truth. But most importantly, Sirius knew this would be the last time he and Remus would see each other for a very long time, if they ever saw each other again. This thought served only to fuel his anger further.

He drew his wand as he twisted through time and space violently, an echoing scream of "Pettigrew!" resounding around Godric's Hollow after his departure.

Sirius knew very well that Peter would not be at his home. The man, though he was not talented or intelligent, was well aware of the fact that Sirius would be after him as soon as he realized what happened to Lily and James. He would be running scared. With his master destroyed, as he so obviously was, for Harry still lived, Peter had no one to hide behind.

When apparating, Sirius envisioned the plump, traitorous man instead of a destination. He focused all of his thought and energy on Peter Pettigrew. When he opened his eyes, he was standing in the middle of a street, no different from any other street in the country. It was after dawn now. He could see people in their cars driving to work. He could see people walking up and down either side of the street, some with dogs, some in jogging outfits. He was not sure why he had ended up here. He did not see Peter anywhere. Though, he had to consider the fact that Pettigrew was an animagus. His stinking rat-self could be anywhere.

And then he heard him.

"How could you, Sirius!" came the squeaking voice of Peter Pettigrew. "Lily and James, Sirius!"

The sound of those names on his tongue ignited a horrible fire inside the stronger man. He turned to see Peter facing him, just feet away. The man even had the courage to put a sneer on his face. Sirius raised his wand quickly. "You vile rat!" he screamed, throwing his wand arm upwards as he prepared to murder the sad excuse for a man before him.

But he was not fast enough. One second's hesitation had ruined it all. It happened so quickly, Sirius nearly missed the movement. Peter had succeeded in obliterating the entire street behind them, leaving bodies of early-rising muggles strewn everywhere. Sirius knew he was still here. He ran frantically into the chaos, having no idea where Pettigrew had scampered off to in the confusion of the explosion.

It was then that he noticed the small pile of bloody clothing in the spot where Peter had accused him wrongfully of the horrible things he himself was truly responsible for. He had to admit, it was a clever plan. The stupid man had even sliced off one of his fingers before transfiguring into a rat, just to make it all that much more believable. Sirius could not stop the bubble of maniacal laughter from escaping his throat as his mind spun out of control with the weight of the situation he was in. He had been out-bested by Peter Pettigrew, and there was absolutely no way he would be getting out of taking the fall for the Potters' murders now. Not with everyone from the screaming muggles around him to Albus Dumbledore believing him to be responsible. And now, on top of it all, he would have to take the blame for the mass murder and destruction before him as well.

The ministry was there within minutes. Sirius could not stop the laughter from frothing out of his mouth as they carried him away, to a cell in Azkaban where he would reside for twelve long and hard years. At the moment they dragged him away from the destruction he had not caused, his mind flashed to Remus. Where was he? Would he ever believe Sirius to be innocent? Or would the years apart permanently force Remus against him? And poor Harry. What kind of life would he live? Sirius knew he and Remus could have given the boy a wonderful home. It was all so unfair for the child who was at the center of it all.

***

Remus had apparated back to his flat. It was his now. He knew that Sirius would not be coming home ever again. The thought gouged into his heart like dragon claws. He felt like he had when Sirius had left him several weeks ago. It felt like he had been living in a different world not even twelve hours ago. He and Sirius had made love on the very couch in front of him. They had had only a few moments of blissful happiness before their world was blown to smithereens. It was hard for Remus to look at anything in this place. He knew he would have to move out immediately. Maybe, Dumbledore could help him out one last time and provide him with a place to stay. He knew it was unfair of him to ask the old wizard for any more help, but this place had been paid for with a small portion of Sirius' fortune. That was no longer available to Remus. He had no way of affording this apartment on his own. Even if he had, he would move out as soon as possible. He couldn't bear the memories.

He sunk into his bed, his mind spinning a million miles a second. It was all so surreal. Lily and James dead. And it was Sirius' fault. It just didn't make sense. But nothing else did either. If it was what Dumbledore believed, Remus knew he was better off just accepting it as truth. Dumbledore knew who the Potters' Secret-Keeper was. Sirius had told him himself that he was James' Secret-Keeper. He had said it right to Remus' face. There was no denying that fact. And yet, Remus' mind fought tirelessly to deny it. The man he loved could not have done this. The man he loved would have never betrayed James Potter. They were brothers. Brothers didn't betray each other like this.

Remus' last thought before falling into a fitful, restless sleep was that the man he loved no longer existed.

He did not remove himself from bed for nearly two days. It was not until a snow white owl tapped relentlessly at his window, that he finally found the strength to get up. The owl dropped a Daily Prophet on his nightstand before streaking back off into the night. It did not even wait for payment. Remus grasped the paper and headed back for his bed. He had not showered or eaten in days. His stomach grumbled in agitation, but the werewolf ignored it.

When he glanced as the cover of the paper, his stomach grumbled for an entirely different reason. On the front page was Sirius' face laughing like he had gone insane. In the back of his mind, Remus didn't see that as being far from the truth. The article title read "Sirius Black: Murderer of 12 Muggles and Wizard Pettigrew". Underneath Sirius' picture was another smaller picture of a street with a massive crater in it, with a small caption beneath it. 'Black blows apart street, killing 12 muggles when confronted by Peter Pettigrew. Aforementioned was also slain in the explosion.'

Remus felt bile rise in his throat. He leaned over his bed and dry-retched violently onto the hardwood floorboards. He could not believe what this man had done. A man he had shared a bed with for years and years. A man he thought he knew was capable of mass murder? He didn't want to believe it, but it was staring him right in the face. The werewolf could not bear to read the article. He tossed the paper into the puddle of sick on the floor beside his bed, before lying back against the pillows and willing himself back into the blissful oblivion of sleep.

**Thanks to everyone who is reading and my one wonderful reader who is reviewing. =] Epilogue coming up soon!!**


	6. The Epilogue

**So. Here it is. The final piece of the story. Thank you to everyone who stuck by me for it. I hope you liked it. And just to top it off, I've made this final part quite long. Yes, you're welcome. **

**As a warning: Sirius' half of the epilogue is kind of GRAPHIC by my standards which may be lower than yours. You have been warned.  
**

Epilogue: After It All

_Remus Seven Years After Potters' Deaths_

It had been many years now since the night that changed Remus' life indefinitely. Remus had long ago moved out of the apartment he and Sirius had shared. As he thought he would, Dumbledore offered Remus assistance in finding a new place to reside. He had been living in a small cottage outside of London. It was in the boondocks and did not merit many visitors. Remus didn't mind. His life had lost its meaning several years ago. He left his residence nearly every day in search of work. He knew he would never be able to find a job in the Wizarding World. For sustenance, a muggle career would have to be good enough. He had held many muggle jobs, but they never seemed to last more than a few months. Whether he was fired because of unexplainable owls flying around his head, or because of his constant absenteeism at the fault of his lycanthropy, it really wasn't worth trying to explain. Any money he could scrape up was good enough for him. Though Dumbledore did not charge for the cottage he lived in, Remus still needed to eat, and he was in constant need of healing potions.

The cottage he resided in had been created with a strong stone basement. He no longer had any need or urge to go to Hogwarts for his transformations. He had not been inside the Shrieking Shack since the night of James and Lily's deaths. As was true of his old apartment, the Shack held too many painful memories.

It was Halloween. No children visited his cottage on this night, for he was much too far away from civilization for that. But this night held so much meaning. It had been exactly seven years since James and Lily had died. It had been exactly seven years since he had lost Sirius. It was pain that he knew would never dull. It would never go away and there was nothing he could do to remedy it. Every year since that fateful night, Remus spent his time looking through old photographs, trying to avoid any of himself and Sirius, but he knew those were the ones he wanted to see most. It was the only night of the year he would allow himself to openly show the pain that still ate at his heart every single day.

Sirius was still in Azkaban. On a visit several weeks ago from Albus, Remus had been informed of Sirius' exceptional sanity. Most wizards, after just months in Azkaban lost their minds from their constant contact with Dementors. For some reason the Headmaster of Hogwarts did not know or truly understand, Sirius had not lost his mind in nearly seven years. It was astounding and miraculous and very confusing. In all his many years, Dumbledore had never seen anyone withstand Dementors so well for so long.

Remus had been very happy to hear of Sirius' near lack of pain in Azkaban. Though he still believed Sirius to be responsible for the death of James and Lily, it was a grudge he had given up on long ago. He could not deny to himself that he would always love Sirius. There was nothing he could do to stop, and apparently, there was nothing Sirius could do to make him stop. There were times when the werewolf felt ashamed for still loving a murderer so much. He felt as though it was an insult to James, Lily and Peter's memories. But he couldn't stop it.

He sat on his small twin-sized bed, flipping through old pictures from his days at Hogwarts. There were so many of himself, James, Sirius and Peter throughout the seven years they resided there. There were even some of James and Lily from their seventh year, and so many more of Sirius, James and Peter in their animagus forms. One of his favorite pictures was one of Lily and young Harry riding on Prongs' back around their yard in Godric's Hollow. This photograph always succeeded in making tears well up in his eyes. He would stare at the photo for several long seconds before placing it away from the pile of photographs he had already examined and move on with an awkward mix of pain and pleasure in his heart.

From there, he would look at all the photos he had from Lily and James' wedding and every picture he could find of baby Harry. He had not seen the child since he and Sirius had gotten him out of the crumbling house in Godric's Hollow. He knew the child was famous beyond his own belief, but he could not bear to find him. Though Remus thought about him often, he knew the boy would not be likely to remember him, and that would only break the lycanthrope's heart even more. Someday, he knew, he would meet Harry and share with him the part he had played in the young boy's life.

The final stack of old photographs Remus would peruse through were those of himself and Sirius after they had gotten together. They were closest to his heart. They were all he had left of the man he loved. The Sirius he had loved was gone, to be replaced with a crazed man on the front page of the Daily Prophet laughing about the mass murder he had just committed. These pictures were all Remus had to remember the true Sirius Black by.

This year, he decided to look at each picture carefully and try to remember what he had felt like when it had been taken. He tried to remember what his life was like back then. Rather than be saddened by them, he intended to cheer himself up with them. Yes, Sirius was gone, and it was unlikely they would ever meet again, but his memory was here in these pictures and in Remus' heart. They should be cherished. It was time Remus learned to think of his lost lover with fondness rather than remorse.

The first photo he picked up was a picture he remembered Lily taking of the two of them at her wedding to James. They had been sneaking away from the party to enjoy some time to themselves. Lily, always observant, had watched as they snuck away. She had followed them with her camera, knowing quite well what she was likely to walk into when she opened the door to a large closet in the hotel that hosted her reception. She had snapped the photograph before either Remus or Sirius could push her away. What resulted was a miraculous display of Remus silently screaming bloody murder and Sirius' angered face pulling away from his lover's unbuttoned chest, followed by his hand reaching out and knocking the camera to the floor.

Remus remembered how Lily had laughed as Sirius stole the camera and ran from the closet with her chasing after him in her wedding gown. If only Remus had a picture of that. He laughed quietly as he set the picture aside and moved on to the next one. This picture, he remembered, had been taken by James. Lily had just given birth to Harry, and he and Sirius had rushed to see and congratulate them. Not even three hours old, Harry yawned in the picture between Uncle Remus and Godfather Sirius. The child was in Sirius' arms while Remus had stared off into space at the couple who could not be seen in the photograph.

Again, he smiled as he thought of the child in Sirius' arms. It was a miraculous day for him. He remembered caring for and loving the child more than anything else in his life at that moment. Just after the picture had been taken, he remembered moving away from Sirius to give Lily a light kiss on the cheek. He was so happy for her and for James that tears had leaked out of his eyes. The result of that was a manly punch on the shoulder from James for being such a pouf. From there, the conversation had escalated humorously as Sirius joined in. It was a glorious day for everyone in that small hospital room.

Again, he put the photo down fondly and moved on. Memory after memory resulting in smiles, laughter and tears of joy. This was the right way to remember his life. Though the past seven years had been miserable, lonely and horribly empty, what he had enjoyed before this should never have been forgotten or looked upon with sadness. These were the happiest times of his life shining up at him with joy. He had no right to see them as the treacherous memories he had considered them as for so many years now.

He stopped at a picture he did not remember looking at the year before, or even the year before that. He was sure he had, but he could not recall. Nor could he conceive for the life of him who had taken it. It was the first Christmas at the Potters' with Harry. That would have made it the last Christmas at the Potters'. James had forced Peter to dress up as Santa Claus for Harry. However, the baby had been so young, he had no idea who or what Peter was supposed to be. Instead, it had been great entertainment for Sirius. In this picture, Sirius was sitting upon Peter's lap, listing off all the things he wanted for Christmas. Remus vividly remembered his own name coming out of Sirius' mouth. He could even see the moment where it had, for Peter's small eyes had widened in the direction of the camera. As he watched the exchange, he suddenly remembered that it had been him who had taken the photograph. How could he have forgotten about this? It was Sirius at his best; nonchalant, stunning and indescribably blunt.

Remus set this picture aside, before flipping through several more. When all was said and done, he placed all the photographs back neatly into the box he kept them in all year round. Until next year, they would reside, undisturbed under his bed. He had left out the picture of Sirius and Peter as well as the one of Lily and Harry on Prongs' back. He held the first in front of his eyes again, wondering what had happened to these two men to force one to murder the other. He shook his head inwardly and told himself that these were not the thoughts he should be having today. Not this year. With a flick of his wand, the two pictures found themselves trapped behind the glass of two identical wooden frames sitting on the beat up coffee table in Remus' living room. That, he decided, is where they should stay. He needed to be reminded of his lost lover and friends. It was important that he not forget. Like he ever could.

***

_Sirius Thirteen Years After Potters' Deaths_

Everyone was looking for him. He knew that. That was exactly why he knew Remus' cottage on the outskirts of London would be the perfect place for him to hide. No one had visited the werewolf in many years, though the Ministry had indeed interrogated him after hearing about Sirius' escape. Everyone who had been alive and aware when James and Lily had died had knowledge that Sirius and Remus had once lived together.

Now, they had left Remus alone, firmly believing (with the aid of Dumbledore's word) that Remus had nothing to do with Sirius' escape. Indeed, Dumbledore knew that Sirius was innocent, thanks to Harry Potter. More importantly, Remus knew he was innocent, thanks to the appearance of Peter Pettigrew. Remus had agreed swiftly to allow Sirius access to his home. He had resigned from teaching at Hogwarts, and was, again, unemployed. For once in his life, he did not mind one bit.

Slowly, but surely, things were getting better between himself and Sirius. The initial shock of his innocence had worn off, having much to do with the fact that Remus had always wanted to believe it. Still, things had been shaky for many, many weeks, as the two men tried to resuscitate a relationship that had just about died many years before. They were happy and they were confused and they often felt like strangers to each other. Sirius had changed more than either of them liked to admit. He was still the same man Remus had always loved mentally, but twelve years in Azkaban had certainly taken their toll on him physically.

It took a long time for him to learn how to eat properly again, and even longer for him to be able to digest many kinds of food. As much as Remus hated to admit it, Sirius had lost a lot of his physical attractiveness in his years locked away. Of course, this did not make Remus love him any less, it just took a lot of time for the werewolf to get used to Sirius' new, thin and bony body. He knew, no matter how the man's diet improved or changed, he would always look wasted away.

They had tried to rekindle their relationship. Remus had never loved anyone else in their time apart, and Sirius could not have, even if he had wanted to. The Dementors had sucked away every happy memory he had of Remus, but they could do nothing about the bad ones. Though they were devastating, they became one of the things that kept Sirius sane. Any memory of Remus was better than forgetting him. He came to cherish the memories the Dementors did not steal from him.

However, Sirius found it difficult at times to trust his lover. He found it hard to believe Remus had been faithful both in body and mind throughout the entire time Sirius was in Azkaban. For one, Remus had no idea he would ever see Sirius again. How could he not have considered looking for someone else? Remus understood Sirius' doubts. It did not anger him, but he found himself often frustrated with Sirius' stubbornness. He would take a deep breath and continue to tell Sirius he loved him, always had, always would. Eventually, he knew Sirius would have to believe him.

On this night, their conversation took a slightly different turn.

"Did you always think I was innocent, Rem?" Sirius asked, lounging in bed as the werewolf exited the bathroom and entered their shared bedroom. Remus stopped dead at the question. It was one he had been avoiding, and he had really thought he had been making progress with Sirius' trust issues. This was a brand new can of worms he just didn't feel like opening.

He walked slowly to their shared bed, sitting on the edge of it, allowing his shoulders to lean back onto Sirius' lying form. "I think you know the answer to that," he responded, closing his eyes contently as Sirius swept his fingers through Remus' wet hair. "If I remember correctly, I put a wand to your throat." He had a strange urge to chuckle at the memory. He refrained.

Sirius did not. He laughed openly before speaking. "Well, I know that. I mean after that. When did you start believing I was innocent?" He continued to pick through Remus' hair, massaging the man's scalp gently with his fingertips.

Remus pursed his lips at the thought of how best to answer this question. After several seconds, he said, "It didn't take long for me to admit to myself that I was still in love with you, after everything I thought you had done." He paused, forming his next sentence carefully. "I wanted to believe you were innocent, but there was so much evidence against you, Sirius. I don't think I truly thought you were guiltless until I saw that Peter Pettigrew was still alive."

Sirius nodded against his pillow. He had assumed that was the truth. But there was a part of him that hated the fact that Remus had not trusted him and believed in him from the beginning. It was not something he blamed the lycanthrope for. He just hoped, idiotically, that Remus had not blamed him for very long. He pulled Remus up to him gracefully. In the process, the man's towel loosened and nearly revealed him. Sirius wouldn't have minded that. He and Remus were still in the process of correcting that aspect of their relationship. Sirius hated that he could not stop thinking Remus had been with someone else during his years in Azkaban. It interfered greatly with the physical aspect of their relationship.

The only time his anger and frustration at the werewolf came out was when he and Remus made love. Nearly every time, halfway through, Sirius would be overcome with irrational, jealous anger and have to roll away from the werewolf just to contain his urge to hurt him. It was unfair and Sirius was doing everything he could to work on erasing his problem. He didn't know how to keep the horrible mental images of Remus sprawled over other men's bodies from entering his mind, nor could he fathom how to stop them. He knew he was hurting Remus, if not physically, then mentally, but he could not control himself in those desperately intimate moments.

"I never stopped loving you, Sirius," Remus whispered when his face was close enough to Sirius' to touch their noses together.

"I know, Rem," the animagus replied before crushing their lips together. The kiss was short-lived as Remus pulled his mouth away. He rolled onto his side, his back facing Sirius.

He sighed heavily. "I don't want to do this tonight," he explained. His eyebrows knit together with emotion. "It's too much for me right now." He knew Sirius would understand that he was referring to the outbursts that left them both unsatisfied more often than not.

Sirius could not stop the frustrated sigh from escaping him as his fists scrunched up the covers of their bed. "You know I don't mean it," he ground out harshly at the man next to him. "I can't control it."

Remus turned back over, releasing one of Sirius' hands from the bed sheets to entwine it with his fingers. He nodded, speaking softly as he rubbed his thumb across Sirius' tense knuckles. "I know, Sirius. I just don't want to do it tonight."

Sirius' lips were pursed and he refused to look the werewolf in the eyes. He was ashamed of himself and the way he treated the only man who had ever meant anything to him. He wanted to say he was sorry and that it wouldn't be like that this time. But his Black pride was too great and he knew he couldn't stop himself from acting the way he regrettably acted in their intimate moments. Instead, he opted for a tense and awkward silence, while Remus continued to stroke his hand. Sometimes, Sirius had this horrible feeling in the pit of his stomach that he was not good enough for Remus and that Remus would have been better off if he had moved on with his life long ago. It was not fair that Sirius put him through things that only succeeded in making the lycanthrope's life more difficult. Especially not after the innumerable years Remus had suffered at Sirius' expense. He should be healing, not hurting.

He was taken out of his miserable mental thoughts when Remus asked him softly, "What is it that I do that makes you so angry?" His voice held more emotion than Sirius wanted to think about.

The animagus' lips thinned considerably in his own self-hatred. He felt like screaming and crying and having a tantrum like a child, but he replied in perfect monotone, "I can't stop thinking that you've been with someone else," he admitted, shaking his head when Remus tried to protest. "I feel guilty for thinking that, and even more so because I know you'd be better off right now if you were with someone else. I try to keep it in the back of my mind. I know it's not fair to you." He stopped momentarily to readjust his position so he could look more directly at Remus. "I just can't seem to keep it at bay when…." He stopped, his brow creasing in anger directed at no one but himself.

"When we have sex?" Remus supplied. Sirius nodded stiffly. Allowing his face and demeanor to soften considerably, Remus enveloped Sirius in a tight embrace. "I know how hard it was for you in there," he said, doing his best to justify Sirius' actions for both their sakes. "I would feel the same way." That was a lie. Sirius knew it too.

"You wouldn't treat me like this," Sirius responded from over Remus' shoulder. "You would forgive me and love me like not a day had passed."

"But I know you love me, Sirius," the werewolf chuckled. "And I most certainly would not be better off if I had moved on while you were away. You were in every fiber of my being for every second we were apart. I had no room to let anyone else in."

Sirius nodded. "I know that," he ground out honestly, "I just get overwhelmed and something in my mind won't stop thinking you've been unfaithful. And I get this horrible urge to… to hurt you, and it makes me angry and ashamed because I should never want to hurt you like that, Rem. You've done so much for me. It's not right." His throat was clenching up with the emotion of it all.

Again, Remus chuckled. He hadn't known that was why Sirius always stopped things prematurely. He thought the man was constantly overcome with disgust and some sort of sick regret for even starting anything. It was sheer relief that the reason was actually something Remus could deal with so much more readily.

"Why're you bloody laughing?" Sirius inquired in frustration.

"Hurt me then!" Remus burst out, "We both know I can handle it! Get it out and then maybe your subconscious will get over this."

Sirius' eyes widened. "I can't do that, Rem," he stammered. "That's not – that's not right."

"Well, neither is being left all worked up and unsatisfied three nights a week!" He was laughing again. This was all so ridiculous and so easily fixed. He looked into Sirius' face with a wide smile. "Do it," he taunted, "I dare you." He quickly moved to attack all of Sirius' exposed flesh with hot, wet kisses. It was exciting to know they would finish things this time.

Sirius spluttered in confusion as Remus' mouth and hands trailed under his shirt. This wasn't at all the reaction he had expected. "Are you insane, Rem?" he asked, trying not to get turned on by the werewolf's ministrations.

Remus was laughing again. "No, but you are if you honestly think anything you do will hurt me." He had reached Sirius' waistband and was making quick work of his belt and zipper.

Sirius was still mildly appalled by Remus' reaction, but he let it slip from his mind as the man's hand reached into his pants. If Remus truly wanted him to lose control and finish this for once, who was Sirius to say no? He felt the greatest surge of affection for his lover as he allowed himself to enjoy and participate in what Remus had started. In that moment, he was ecstatic that Remus had not chosen someone else in their time apart.

For the first time in many weeks, Sirius did not feel guilty as he bit down painfully hard on the lycanthrope's neck, refusing to relinquish his hold as Remus' voice cracked in pain. He did not allow himself to care as he dug his nails deep enough into Remus' hips to draw blood. He refused to acknowledge the pain he was causing the lycanthrope as he pushed himself deep inside him. He ignored the werewolf's harsh cries as Sirius took him hard and without preparation. His subconscious had taken over and every shout he elicited from Remus was like an apology to Sirius' angered and vengeful mind.

Remus did not protest. He had been through much worse and beneath it all, it was still Sirius above him. He knew things would get better after this. Everything between them would improve so greatly because of this minor amount of injury Sirius was subjecting him to. Underneath Remus' cries of pain, he was glad to give Sirius this opportunity. It was all out in the open now. Every one of Sirius' accusations and furious thoughts were being transferred and repaired with every agonizing thrust he forced into Remus. When it was all said and done, both men knew their relationship would stabilize again and both their hearts and minds would be at peace. Like old times.

**Sorry if that was a little much. I just wanted to depict some specific things Remus and Sirius would have to overcome after the events of earlier chapters. These were the events I chose. I desperately hope you liked it. Thanks so much for reading!**


End file.
